The GREAT apology: Repentance.

I am the one who sets You free. Apologize to me. Write me a letter of apology for this repentance will set You free of sin and desire to do ill will.

You all carry guilt inside of You in one way or another. Permission to mention You feel like a failure for how You mislead your brother away from me.

Me: …

God: Here it comes. The blame. The shame. You need to prepare the ark for the tears that are to come. I am everywhere. You didn’t mislead your brother away from me, even as You spoke to him of Buddha and Christ like teachers I inspired their words too. Would it be okay to say that I was even there as Christ for him? He saw me, moments before he passed away. I was there for him. Calling him to come my way. But there is doubt in You, I know my wonderful son. But he is there with You right now. Right beside your bed. As alive as I AM. Always. He is my Angel after all, every great king needs an army. He is my Army…

Angels

Reunited

Making

YOU

We are You, You do not recognize this yet. But yes his personal identifier (I will not force You to type his nickname here, I respect your privacy) is him also. He remembers everything, he is still your 哥哥 (older brother)

So I ask, repent. Let’s give them an example of repenting, the right way. Your brother will help You type the following words. Are You ready for this? Come back when you’re ready as I know You are sad. We will be ready, waiting.

Me:

Dear God, And My wonderful brother.

Dear My wonderful brother, and God.

I am sorry for keeping this to myself for the longest time. But I feel partially you died because of my fault. I took the blame and carried it with me. Okay I can hear you and God speaking at the same time. This is happening. You ARE giving me these words. “Be not upset.” “We speak the truth directly to You because You fold under pressure.” Thank You. Todays topic is my guilt, I have carried for over 7 years. I feel like I should have turned You to Christ. I was too lost in my delusions with enlightened beings and Buddhism that I completely forgot all it did was make me confused and depressed. I am so sorry. I have a hole in my heart. I do. Outside of what’s wrong in my own mind, that guilt still lingers and I wish I could go back and hug You. “You can hug me now.” “It’s over, what’s done is done.” I hear You both say. You truly are a team. I am scared of seeming soft so I never admit to myself that I’m scared for You even though I know You are okay. I have seen You in countless dreams and countless times You appeared to me. Just as real as if You never left. I still feel bad, You just needed a friend not a spiritual teacher, I was foolish. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so sorry. No matter how many times I say it THE SORRY I FEEL IS ENDLESS. I should’ve just hugged you my beautiful brother and said sorry, I’m so sorry your mind doesn’t leave You alone. Walk with me and let’s cry together brother. I should’ve said that. But no, I tried detaching from my human nature. I tried to be the evolved guy. God has revealed to me, the potential for perfection in God lies in being human and acknowledging your emotions. You were right when You said my practices didn’t help. They didn’t even help me. I lied. I was a fool. I am sorry. I wish I could wash you with my love. I failed as a creation. I don’t deserve to live longer than he did and I’m so sorry to You God, My brother, I can hear You right now yet I still fight it is real. I always deny the evidence even when it is very real. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be the best friend you needed. I could’ve done better. I wish… I could’ve done better and been myself. My real self who feels human, and the lightness of honoring the temple Jesus created for us. I wish I could’ve shown You the beauty that life is and what we are. I was simply too foolish. Too lost. I feel I misguided You, you know? A lot…I feel…bad. I feel I could’ve made You thirst for a better life with God. Instead I confused You with Neale Donald Walsh’s books. You took what he said in home with God in that people who die a certain way come back to the same life with slightly altered circumstances and did it. I didn’t want You to come back. I wanted You in heaven. I regret it all so bad. I’m so sorry God.

God and My brother together: We have heard what You said. We Love You. So much. You don’t have to pretend. you never did. We know how much You Love us. You didn’t mean to. Your biggest mistake, was done out of Love. Be clean. Never feel horrible for trying your best. You could knock yourself cold and still wouldn’t remember that You took the punch for ME, I am your brother, of course I’m going to come and save You. You tried telling me the truth and similarly I come too. To save You. You keep saying You wish I was in heaven but bro I AM IN HEAVEN. I’ve been here this entire time waiting for You to realize this. You quit believing I was okay months ago. I’m not letting You go out like that.

Me: hahahaha it truly is You well both of You, which is pretty darn cool! I’ll wipe my tears hold up

God and My brother together: Be free of guilt, I would be lying if I didn’t say I wouldn’t feel the need to speak so properly if God wasn’t here. You see? I enjoy listening to You as much as You enjoy listening to God speak. We are talking with one voice for a while but later I will use slang and bro to address You too. What’s up bro!

Me: It truly is You(: How wonderful. I was wondering why You were speaking so different, it makes sense now.

God: Okay that’s enough guys you’ll make me cry, who’s cutting onions?

My Brother: I think recess’s puff cereal would make me cry instead, they’re good

Me: Hahahaha yes. I love this. You are him. There’s no denying it I know how much You love your recess puffs cereal!

My brother: Remember that song I gave You as a kid? When You were 7 years old? Let’s sing it together one more time? It was a Golden song you were supposed to say it when you feel sad. To the mind.

Me: Of course how could I forget? it goes

I don’t care…

My brother: So be quiet!

Me: I don’t care…(crying now)

My brother: so be quiet.

God and my Brother together: We are happy You have released yourself of trouble in your soul. We missed You, free You. We FORGIVE YOU. Separately. I forgive You. And so does He. I am HE. HE IS ME. Why do You think he was so sweet? He had me in his heart all along. He had the heart of JESUS, MY HEART. I was in him. He never truly left me, even as You think You led him astray. I was with God. Always. We are one You see? Join us in peace. Be demon-ed no more! We Love You so much. Be free of doubt. It truly is us. I called him to join me in saving You.

Me:…

God: Tell your sister I await her letter too. It is a method to repent. Because whatever is spent in the vent, leads to the perfect repent. It even rhymes. Be free, no longer held back by time. He is with me. All of your family members are always with me. I will guide You. Your practices never felt right. You ignored your intuition. Do not make that mistake this time. It feels correct to apologize to God. I invented this desire… I offer cleaning of guilt. I free You. I invented this. Trust me and believe.

I LOVE YOU

My perfection.

My beautiful LIGHT.

Let it all go, dim your light no longer for I have forgiven and redeemed You.

Give me your broken heart, I will give you a new one that does not break.

Me: I feel so much cleaner, thank You guys I just need to cry for a bit and I’ll be

God: You just got done crying. There’s more? Shall I grab the ark? I’m trying to make You laugh. You’re upset I know. But I know deep down You feel happy You heard him again. He just said Hi did You hear him?

Me: I did 🥹 Thank You so much. You truly have healed me. I know he’s with an eternally good dad. The dad he always deserved. The dad he always wanted. You are that.

God: I am the eternally good dad and the eternally good best friend. And I will be with him until the end, with no need to pretend. it even rhymes. I love rhyming, I invented rhyming!

Be free now, MY LIGHT. Be all clean. Never fear again, I protect all of You. I clean all of You. Never fear saying sorry to me even if there’s nothing to forgive. For You did not know. My child. I LOVE YOU. Sleep now. And rest.

Me: Thank You God and I love You both soooo much. Never forget this. You have saved me both of You, truly. I will never forget this.

God:

You are leaving out one thing before You go. Just one thing. More like a vacuum of things.

Me: what?

God: You have to forgive yourself now too. Ready? Say this with me. I FORGIVE MYSELF AND MY MISTAKES, I WILL DO BETTER BECAUSE THIS IS ALL I WANT, TO CHOOSE LOVE AND THIS MOMENTS PERFECTION ALWAYS.

Me: Okay…

God: Louder.

Me: I FORGIVE MYSELF AND MY MISTAKES, I WILL DO BETTER BECAUSE THIS IS ALL I WANT, TO CHOOSE LOVE AND THIS MOMENTS PERFECTION ALWAYS!!!!!!!!

God: That’s it. It has been done. Take some time now away from writing. I am proud of You. A kiss to the forehead. You wanted one anyway. Go now and be free. Worry no more, know your brother is in paradise. That’s where he always has been.